Farewell To A Sox Lifer

On the evening of Monday, May 28th, The Nation will have its first opportunity to thank Christopher Trotman Nixon for everything that made him one of the most beloved players in franchise history. He was home-grown, plucked out of a North Carolina High School, and pegged as a no-miss all-around athlete. While he never achieved super star status, he gave us some of the most memorable moments in recent years.

Chief among these was a toe-to-toe confrontation with Roger Clemens in 2000. After trading verbal barbs, Trot stepped in and calmly lifted a game-winning two-run HR into the Bronx night. When he came back to Fenway, he launched another 2-run shot after being bathed in the crowd's adulation. Oh, and he went 3 for 4, driving in 2 of the 3 runs in the final World Series win in 2004.

So, when he steps into the Fenway batter's box in that strange visiting garb on May 28th, let your heart and soul speak for you.

Limited "Knot-Hole" Seating For 2008?

The scuttle-but around Yawkey Way is that Janet-Marie Smith may be taking a cue from the new Twins ballpark design—which will reportedly feature a 12-foot wide "knot-hole" in its outfield fence. Word has it that during the next off-season, the Red Sox will begin major excavation at their 95-year old ballpark to install 3,500 "Knot-Hole Seats" in the Green Monster.

The "Hole In The Wall Gang" season ticket package will offer lucky fans the ability to view the action from the perspective of the guy who works the scoreboard for 15-20 minute intervals. Designed on a time-sharing model, fans can buy—say—81 top of the 5th innings throughout the season. Such a full-season package would cost $12,750 (with a $32 handling fee). To accommodate the inevitable long lines behind the wall on Lansdowne Street, the club will offer affordable meal plans from their Aramark partners.

(It's sad to have to say this, but, the above is a parody)