Kudos To NOG On Aisle Cops

Careful readers of this site know that your humble scribe has always been somewhat skeptical of this New Ownership Group (NOG)—despite two brilliant World Championship runs. No one can ever take away those monumental achievements and, obviously, they deserve every bit of the credit. My criticisms have been—primarily—aimed at their unwillingness to admit the need for a new Fenway (along with over-the-top self promotion). But when they are right, they are right. According to the Fenway Security person I spoke with, the NOG has instituted a Zero Tolerance "Standing Idly In The Isle" Policy. That means that if you insist on loitering in a drunken stupor behind the grandstands near (say) Section 25, you are told to stand behind a bright white line—kind of like a skinny third base coach's box. This allows passersby to actually move efficiently in Fenway's formerly clogged thoroughfares. Brilliant! You can actually make it to the bathroom and back to your seat without missing a pitch! And the most amazing part of all, the cretin slugs who used to make it impossible to pass were actually abiding by the policy—no big deal. So, thank you, NOG, for this long overdue, and sensible, policy. Now, about a new Fenway..........

Stuck In The Middle With Goo

As we approach that quirky Boston tradition known as Patriot's Day (for those outside of New England, this has nothing to do with Tom Brady), it has become painfully evident that this 2008 edition of the Red Sox will go nowhere with the middle relief corps as currently constituted.

Mike Timlin's ERA looks like the interest rate on a MasterCard from ShiftyBank Of Newark (27.00). Brian Corey started pitching like Professor Irwin Corey. Manny Delcarmen is about as likely to give up a first pitch salami as he is to intimidate with a 97 MPH located fastball. And Julian Tavarez is about as likely to hold a lead as HIllary Clinton in Pennsylvania.

The bottom line is that Theo and the Trio need to make a move to shore up this critical part of the team—the sooner the better. If it means dealing some youth, so be it. We need at least two guys who have enough of a track record to bridge the ever-widening gap between the not-so-dominant starters and the very dominant tandem of Oki and Pap. David Aardsma is the lone bright light in this mix and could be the third option in a new middle triumvirate. But we need to make the "GOO" "GOOD". And fast.

Heidi II—NASCAR Follies

So, there we are. Papelbon has struck out all three men he has faced after warming up four times through a quirky rain delay. He has two strikes on Cano. Two out. Ninth. Sox lead 4-3. So what does FOX do? Of course, it cuts away for the START of a freaking NASCAR race. A race that will consist of glorified commuters turning left for 500 miles. Give me a break. Our helpful FOX announcer informs us that we can pick up the game on FX. FX? Like anyone knows where that crap network lives on our Comcast "dial". I might as well have been directed to the Nashville Network (if that piece of garbage still exists). Ah, yes. Shades of NBC and the Raiders many moons ago. Except viewers had no recourse at all on that one. I guess we should thank our lucky stars for FX. Somebody smack me.

Parity, Schmarity

Enough with the "we're the same as they are" talk. We're not! Take a look at the numbers. The Evil Ones will spend almost $210 million dollars on their stable of also-rans—with three guys making more than the entire Florida Marlins roster. Granted, we are still in the upper echelons of splurgiosity (I just invented that, and, frankly, I kinda like it). But, we are fourth in total spending at $133.4 million. That's right, in addition to the "We haven't won anything yet this century " squad from E 161st St & River Ave, the Tigers ($138.7 million) and Metropolitans ($138.3 million) are also ahead of us in profligacy (I don't like that one so much, plus I didn't make it up).

So, why are we joined at the figurative hip with the Bronx Embalmers? Apparently the national media have this notion that we have entered into a conspiratorial price-fixing cabal with the Steinbrenners to dominate the sport by spending equally outrageous gobs of cash on players. But, as the numbers clearly show, we aren't even in the same Oliver Stone movie. For crying out loud, we're closer to the Brewers payroll ($52.5 million gap) than the second-place pin stripers ($75.7 million gap).

The reason we have two World Championships in this century is that we spend our dough more wisely. Even with the extravagant outlay for Dice-K, we still don't have any Carl Pavanos sucking us dry. So, please, no more comparisons with They Who Shall Not Be Named. We do it better and cheaper.

2007 Sox Honored At White House

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Pie Has Left The Sky

You knew it couldn't last. Being a Boston sports fan in the last few years was just too much blue sky and wonderfulness. The Grim Reaper has arrived yet again.

First, the three-time Super Bowl Champs played like Pop Warner Wannabees. Then Kevin Garnett gets sidelined indefinitely to turn the C's Boston Three Party into a two-man festivity. And now, Curt Schilling's career might be over due to a nagging shoulder injury that sidelined him last year.

This is cause for concern. Not enough concern to get Dan Shaughnessey working on another curse book. But cause, nonetheless. We're simply back to a place where most sports fans live. Reality.

Official Theme Song For Roger's Testimony